Dabbles in Drabbles
by Yellow Emerald
Summary: A series of random episodes in the lives of the HIMYM characters, loosely connected to our crossover fic How I Met Your Father but this mini-series can be read on its own. With inflatable monkeys, catfights live on air and a neon-yellow papoose, this is no less bizarre than the series itself... (Apologies for the title - it's a continuation of our bad naming tradition!)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Did you ever wonder why Marshall is deathly afraid of crazy things…? Legendberry did.**

Lily checked the time. 3:44AM. She slid out of bed and grabbed some clothes to get changed into.

Marshall started to stir, attempting to pull the blankets closer to himself to replace her. He would wake up in a minute or two without something to cuddle - but Lily knew her husband well, and had planned for just this problem.

She reached into her closet and grabbed the fairground prize she had stored there earlier. Sliding the giant inflatable monkey into her nightgown, she slowly proffered her replacement to her unconscious husband.

He took it.

"Sucka!" Lily whispered, grinning.

She grabbed her bag and her eyeliner and, with one final smile over her shoulder at Marshall, she left the house to attend the Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert with Robin.

xxx

Marshall felt wonderful. Here he was, all snuggled up, cozy and warm in bed, with the woman of his dreams, and his baby son asleep for at least another hour or so.

He nuzzled closer into Lily's nightgown, smelling her honeysuckle and jasmine body wash.

"Mmmm." He sighed happily. "Mornin' Lilypad."

When she didn't answer, he frowned and opened his eyes to find…

…A pair of gigantic, neon orange eyes set in a plastic purple face, topped with canary-yellow hair. Marshall tried to push the monster away, but its long, inflatable arms were trapped under his body - and one of his buttons was caught in Lily's nightdress.

He was trapped in bed with a monster. A monster whose name - according to the bold font across its chest, where Lily's cleavage ought to have been - was Steve.

His screams of terror woke the whole building.

**A/N It's Lily. It's **_**always**_** Lily… **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Did you ever wonder if Robin Sparkles ever inspired any artists…?**

**Legendberry did.**

"But, um, now I am pleased to welcome today's interviewee: a rap sensation who needs no introduction." Robin smiled at the woman sitting opposite her. She tried not to make any reaction to her guest's appearance, and managed to constrain herself to merely a twitch of the face.

Her guest had a blonde perm with a precariously balanced neon pink bow sitting on the right side of her head. She was wearing a denim tutu-style skirt that just covered the basics, along with a matching short denim jacket and a neon pink bra. The ensemble was completed with a neon pink belt, neon pink hoop earrings that brushed her shoulders and neon pink platform heels.

And all Robin could think was: _Denim on denim? That's been out since the nineties! …Oh no._

"Hey. It is so great to be here." The rapper gushed. "I just wanted to say how much of an inspiration you were to me when I was a tween!"

"Ah ha ha ha." Robin laughed nervously. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Now, now, Robin." Came the smarmy voice of Robin's ridiculous co-host, Sandy Rivers. "I think it's time the public knew the truth, Robin Kebabski! Or should I say..."

_Scherbatsky, dammit!_

"Robin Sparkles!"

_Oh God, no._

The screen in the corner began to play a montage of her music videos.

_This isn't happening._

But it was. _Let's go to the Mall_ blared through her earpiece.

She spun in her chair to face the King of the Douchebags, as she thought of him.

"What the hell, Sandy?" She hissed. "I thought we were past this!"

"Trust me, Robin, it's for your own good." He gave her a sleazy grin. "I'm doing you a favour here."

"Like hell you are."

The voice in her earpiece muttered: "And we're back in 3…2…1."

Robin opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by her guest.

"When I was a little girl, I was really into Robin Sparkles! I mean, her rap in _Let's go to the Mall_ was the first time I'd ever heard a girl rapping, and as soon as I did, I knew that was what I wanted to do."

Robin stared at her in disbelief.

When it became apparent that Robin wasn't going to reply, Sandy chipped in.

"So what your saying is that _Robin Sparkles _here, is one of your _main influences_?"

Robin said nothing.

"Oh sure," Came the gleeful reply. "In fact, that's the reason I accepted this interview request. I wouldn't be here if it was just you, Sandy." She giggled, oblivious to Sandy's distraught expression.

Robin said nothing. It seemed like the best course of action.

"No, the real reason that I'm here is to ask if I can cover one of your songs, Miss Sparkles? I tried to get in touch with your agent, but he said that he'd lost track of you years ago, and offered to sell me a used Volkswagen Beetle."

"Cover one of my songs…?" Robin mumbled. "I'm sorry, _you_ want to cover one of my songs? Like, are you for real?"

The blonde nodded eagerly.

"Totally!" She replied. "I can even play you the demo! I brought it along!"

Robin actually had to fight a shudder as a fully rapped version of _Sandcastles In The Sand _came over her earpiece. The pink-clad singer was grinning maniacally and bopping in her chair, her eyes never leaving Robin's face.

_How is she still smiling? Can she not see my mask of poorly-disguised horror?_

"So what do you think " She demanded breathlessly.

"That… was…" Robin took a deep, shuddering breath. "No. Do not cover my songs. Ever. While we're on the subject, don't dress like me - yeah, don't think I didn't spot that - or talk to me about 'Robin Sparkles', or ask for my autograph." Robin turned to the cameras and imagined she was looking out at America. "That goes for all of you! I mean it, if you do any of these things - I have _vicious _copyright clauses in my contract and a friend who is a high-flying lawyer. I _will _sue your ass!"

"And, we're out of time!" Sandy said hurriedly. "Many thanks to our guest! Now for Derek with the weather!"

"…And we're off." Said Robin's earpiece.

"What the hell was that?" Sandy demanded, as soon as the cameras stopped rolling.

"Me defending my integrity! As a musician!" Robin snarled.

"So, does this mean I can't cover your song?" The rapper asked, cautiously. "'Cos I had a dance video scheduled for next Monday."

"Were you even listening to a word I said? No! Hell to the no! Given what you did to my music, I'd hate to see what you had planned for my video!"

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

"I was a role model, dammit! I empowered young women! I taught them that the worst thing you could do was French kiss! And I did kids' TV! It was pure, and innocent, and all about how friendship is the most super-special, awesome thing ever! And you will never take that from me!" Robin yelled.

For a few seconds, there was no sound apart from Robin's harsh panting as she recovered from her outburst.

Then there was sound, but it was bleeped out by the sound crew, who were always a little over-enthusiastic when it came to swearing. Their peroxide-blonde guest was reacting. There was more confrontation between the two of them, but for legal reasons, it cannot be mentioned.

What we can tell you is that the collaboration between a certain female rapper and Jessica Glitter (_I thought she was my friend, but she's a total bitch! [Friendship sucks!]_) reached Number 5 in the Canadian charts in early 2013.

**A/N Any resemblance to any persons, living or dead, is completely coincidental…or something. We don't know. We just wanted a rapped version of **_**Sandcastles in the Sand**_**.**

**Also, did you spot the interrobang? We're going to make that punctuation mark better-known amongst our readers because it's too cool not to use…**

**If you'd like to leave us a review, that'd be awesome!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Did you ever wonder why Marshall thought it was a good idea to buy a neon yellow papoose? …Yellow Emerald did.**

Marshall wandered through the towering stacks of baby paraphernalia, looking slightly lost. Babies 'R' Us was a huge store and he'd spent the last ten minutes trying to get out of the 'Bibs and Baby grows' section.

Just as he was about to scream in frustration, a shop assistant appeared a few feet behind him as if by magic.

"Men make commissions sooo easy!" She said under her breath.

Smirking, she pulled off the sale tag from a neon yellow papoose. It had been sitting lost and abandoned in the 'Bibs and Baby grows' section for at least two months now - well, it wasn't worth putting it back in the right section, where it'd have semi-decent looking competition - and she hadn't been able to find anyone dumb enough to buy it. Looked like its time was finally nigh.

"Excuse me sir, my name is Courtney, can I help you at all today?" She crooned, plastering on her best 'buy this, buy this _now_' smile and holding the papoose behind her back, waiting for the right moment.

"Oh, uh, hi Courtney. I'm uh I'm a bit lo- I'm Marshall, by the way- I'm a little lost, can you show me where the exit is?"

_Perfect,_ Courtney grinned mentally. _He's trapped!_

"Oh yes sir, certainly! Was there anything in particular you were looking for today?"

"Sure, I _was_ looking for 'Aloe Skin'-brand baby oil for my son, but now I really just wanna go home and recover." Marshall replied.

"Ah! Clearly you want the best for your son! Have you seen this? It's _perfect_ for a baby boy!" She was practically oozing charm (at least, in her mind) as she thrust the brightly coloured papoose towards her unsuspecting victim. The neon yellow monstrosity gave off a sickly gleam in the fluorescent strip lights of the warehouse-like store.

"Uh…wow. It's kinda hard to miss, but no, I...haven't seen it before. You were going to show me the exit?" He ended the question hopefully, but upon seeing the twitch in her left eye he doubted he would be shown the exit anytime soon.

"Exactly! It's perfect for making sure that everyone sees your _beautiful _baby! Wouldn't want those ickle toesie-woesies getting crushed on the New York Subway, now would we?" Her saccharine simpering had a touch of venom to it.

Marshall got the feeling that the woman would crush Marvin's toes herself unless he bought the hideous thing.

"Er…" Before Marshall could formulate a proper sentence, she interrupted his feeble attempt at a protest.

"_And_ it'll let everyone know what a _proud _and _caring_ father you are!" This was her trump card - the fools fell for it every time. She could practically taste victory.

Marshall narrowed his eyes. He stood up straighter and squared his shoulders. No one went around practically threatening his baby and questioning _his_ fatherly pride!

"And where exactly is the price ticket for this particular item? Because I'm not seeing one." He asked, not letting her interrupt his speech this time. "It wouldn't happen to be that '99.9% off' sale ticket on the floor behind you, would it? Do you know what strict liability for misleading commercial practice is? …I didn't think so. Because I'm pretty sure that tampering with the company's pricing scheme goes against the Geneva Convention's Trade Law Directive: sub-section 48b - Native American infant carriers: 'Thou shalt not bear false witness to customers about reduced price merchandise, no matter how aesthetically unappealing.' - I'm a lawyer, you know." He said, after rattling off the 'citation' at breakneck speed.

Courtney's mouth hung open and she just blinked owlishly at him for a few moments, gaping.

"And the exit would be?" He asked sweetly. Courtney involuntarily glanced to her right. "Thank you." Marshall smiled. He took two steps and then paused, turned around and walked back over to the stunned saleswoman.

"Well, due to the legal situation at hand, I believe that as a near-victim of such unfair practice I am heretofore entitled to full product ownership at a significant discount, and will be enforcing said ownership… right now." With that, he tugged the papoose from her limp grip and pressed a penny into her hand.

As he walked smugly from the store, clutching his prize, he murmured:

"Lawyered!"

**A/N Bonus points if anyone knows where the dreaded saleswoman is from! (Yes, we really love making random references.) Why not review and give us your best guess?**


End file.
